Big Pappa
Challenged
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Registered: 09/04/11
Posts: 659
Loc: Smurf Village
Last seen: 1 hour, 6 minutes
This morning, my wife of 18 years woke me up saying she had to tell me something.? Shes been having an affair with her boss.? This morning he told his wife of 20 years the same.? She says she dont know what shes going to do, about her and him, or her and me...?
This has happened before, this will actually be the 3rd, or 4th time...
I told her I wanted her to stay.? I want her to call it off with him...? She says shes not happy here, that she feels like this home is her prison.? She says she needs to "find herself".? That she loves me, and cares about me, but she doesn't love me the way I love her.?
Shes been working with this guy for a year, she says the affair started over a month ago.
He has nowhere to go, neither does she.? Even if I tell her to leave, she will have nowhere to go.? She cant run to him because he lives with his wife, and HE has nowhere to go.
I do not want to give up on 18 years of my life.? More than that, I truly AM in love with her.? I always have been.?
I understand that she needs to do whatever she feels she needs to do...? I just hope that she makes the decision to stay and fix whatever it is that is making her unhappy.
We've been through this before, and still, I find myself not knowing what to do...? Im so hurt and confused right now.? I have noone to turn too except my father who tells me not to ask his advice since hes had 2 failed marriages...
Help me...
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Rewindicus Silly Goose
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Registered: 06/05/11
Posts: 1,632
Last seen: 8 hours, 49 minutes
Holy shit! Sorry man! Well I think first things first you gotta find out why your home is like a prison to her an see if there's a way to fix that and make up (if she's even open to that idea).
Did you think things were getting a little choppy with the relationship or was everything great in your eyes?
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?Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.?- Dr. Seuss
"Too much of a good thing, can be wonderful!" - Mae West
"If you have nothing nice to say about anyone, come sit next to me."
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
mushies r sexy Stranger
Registered: 05/17/11
Posts: 149
Last seen: 2 hours, 20 minutes
I hate to tell you this but you gotta move on. I know you love her and shit but if someone repeatedly cheats on you then they dont deserve you and all your going to get is hurt in the end. she says she needs to find herself fuck that you need to go and find someone better than that. Dont allow this to keep on happening or you will miss out on a much better women. One that won't cheat on you at all. From what your telling me she doesn't even sound that guilty about it. Love can have you on a lease and its tough to get it off. But once you do only posotive shits gonna happen. I feel for ya hope this advice helps.
Good luck and try not to think about to much
Big Pappa Challenged
?Registered: 09/04/11
Posts: 659
Loc: Smurf Village
Last seen: 1 hour, 6 minutes
Quote:
Rewindicus said:
Holy shit! Sorry man! Well I think first things first you gotta find out why your home is like a prison to her an see if there's a way to fix that and make up (if she's even open to that idea).Did you think things were getting a little choppy with the relationship or was everything great in your eyes?
as far as I knew things were ok, although for the last month I have felt that something was wrong... I just didnt know what...
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Big Pappa Challenged
?Registered: 09/04/11
Posts: 659
Loc: Smurf Village
Last seen: 1 hour, 6 minutes
Quote:
mushies r sexy said:
I hate to tell you this but you gotta move on. I know you love her and shit but if someone repeatedly cheats on you then they dont deserve you and all your going to get is hurt in the end. she says she needs to find herself fuck that you need to go and find someone better than that. Dont allow this to keep on happening or you will miss out on a much better women. One that won't cheat on you at all. From what your telling me she doesn't even sound that guilty about it. Love can have you on a lease and its tough to get it off. But once you do only posotive shits gonna happen. I feel for ya hope this advice helps.Good luck and try not to think about to much
Thats my problem... I dont want to move on...? We have built a life together.? We own our home, 2 cars, gots all bills and bank accounts in BOTH our names...? weve done it all together!? Loosing her is more than loosing her... its loosing everything!? All my hopes and dreams, they all go with her..
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yutaka Has candy for YOU!
Registered: 06/12/10
Posts: 382
Loc: USA
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If this is the ump-teenth time, it's time to move on.
I'm certain you love your wife but it doesn't seem as if she loves you.
This is a terrible situation, I hope you don't have any kids that would be put in the middle of this.
Whoever comes are the right people. Whatever happens is the only thing that could have happened. When ever it starts is the right time. When it's over, it's over.
My thoughts are with you.
You said you don't want to move on. Maybe you should reevaluate your thoughts on that.
winged_1 The Eye Tyrant
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Registered: 04/26/11
Posts: 1,721
Loc: Middle of the Ea
Quote:
Rewindicus said:
Holy shit! Sorry man! Well I think first things first you gotta find out why your home is like a prison to her an see if there's a way to fix that and make up (if she's even open to that idea).
This.
You gotta get to the root of the problem. If the house is a prison, find out why. Does she need to get out more? Does she feel moribund or stagnant?
Dude, no one who is faithful deserves to be cheated on. You know that. But I can understand you wanting to reconcile and stay together. That is a lot of time to be with someone to just throw it away.
So this has happened multiple times? Does she just want to get some strange ass now and then? Could you deal with that? Is it an option?
A lot of cheaters don't stop. It has something to do with the excitement or whatever feelings they get out of it. Does she come from a broken home or have a background that would suggest "daddy issues"? It's common in cheating women.
Man I wish I had better advice 
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Big Pappa Challenged
?Registered: 09/04/11
Posts: 659
Loc: Smurf Village
Last seen: 1 hour, 6 minutes
We do have a 15 year old son.? I made her tell him...
He dont want to go anywhere, even if she does go...? at least thats what he told her.? His life is here...
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Rewindicus Silly Goose
?Registered: 06/05/11
Posts: 1,632
Last seen: 8 hours, 49 minutes
Shit dude see if she's open to marriage counselling.....
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?Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.?- Dr. Seuss
"Too much of a good thing, can be wonderful!" - Mae West
"If you have nothing nice to say about anyone, come sit next to me."
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Mrs. Anon Stranger
Registered: 01/20/12
Posts: 1
Last seen: 15 hours, 13 seconds
Have you tried marriage counseling?
I commend you for trying to work it out, especially after this will be the 3rd or 4th time of your wife?s unfaithfulness. From a brutally honest woman?s point of view, your wife has absolutely no respect for you or the marriage of 18 years you both have shared. I really recommend seeking outside professional help if you truly want to keep your marriage.
When you get right down to it, it seems like just a few things are the root of women infidelities:
revenge, if you have cheated in the past; you?ve stopped making her feel sexy/attractive/ wanted and others are supplying those needs; what she is attracted to in a man has changed, this is especially true in couples who marry young; lastly, there are types of women who will never be faithful, they?re the ones with histories of baggage and damage that they cling to and carry around their whole life, never looking to resolve the problems. The ones you?re warned, ?you don?t put your dick in crazy?.
I don?t know the answers for you, and really, I don?t know if anyone on a forum could give you the answers to life. Personally, if I were in your shoes, with only the facts you have given on this post, I would move on. You keep letting her disrespect you like this and it will just be a continuous cycle. Separate, if divorce is too much. Get space between you two and see if it?s a relief, if it?s easier to breathe. It will give her a chance to get her head straight too. I wish you luck in whatever choice you make. Please, for your own dignity, don?t? let this slide. Don?t just let her apologize and pretend like nothing happen. She will resent you for it (as fucked up as that is) and she will more than likely do it again with no fear of consequences.
Best of Luck,
Random Anon?s Wife
daz01 Learning
Registered: 09/30/10
Posts: 946
Loc: Scotland
Last seen: 7 minutes, 10 seconds
Wait. She's cheated the 3rd or 4th time... How many times has it actually been? She cheated on you with her boss of a year.
She doesn't know what she wants, she claims she loves you and when she has done wrong, she tries to excuse herself with "I feel imprisoned!". This isn't the first time either, is it, she continues the cheating! I think it's time to forget about the life you made together because she's taking the piss bro. A decent minded girlfriend would not do this to her boyfriend, never mind a wife to her husband of EIGHTEEN YEARS!!
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greysRDbest Mushroom Dork
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Registered: 07/16/06
Posts: 31,247
Loc: nunya
Quote:
Big Pappa said:
All my hopes and dreams, they all go with her..
This is absolutely not true. While I can certainly understand after 18 yrs,
its difficult to move on, but what you have been doing up to this point is NOT working.
Hence the 3 affairs she's had.
What makes you think the outcome will be different if you take her back AGAIN?
You can develop new goals and dreams of your own that don't include her, it is entirely possible.
The clue phone has been ringing for some time now...you just need to pick it up.
If you do decide to divorce her, it doesn't have to be catastrophic. Both use the same lawyer and figure stuff out.
That your son would like to stay with you kind of says alot...
Hope things get better for you.
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Bretdaniel said:
Alright, at first i thought using the reply button was stupid but now I get it, shit confused me for a second.
claraclairvoyant well oiled machine
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Registered: 05/24/09
Posts: 3,532
Last seen: 11 hours, 52 minutes
Quote:
Rewindicus said:
Shit dude see if she's open to marriage counselling.....
Agreed. Never thought I'd recommend that to anyone but sounds like you have a lot invested in this relationship.
Rewindicus Silly Goose
?Registered: 06/05/11
Posts: 1,632
Last seen: 8 hours, 49 minutes
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?Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.?- Dr. Seuss
"Too much of a good thing, can be wonderful!" - Mae West
"If you have nothing nice to say about anyone, come sit next to me."
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
greysRDbest Mushroom Dork
?Registered: 07/16/06
Posts: 31,247
Loc: nunya
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Bretdaniel said:
Alright, at first i thought using the reply button was stupid but now I get it, shit confused me for a second.
qman Stranger
Registered: 12/07/06
Posts: 348
Last seen: 19 minutes, 47 seconds
Do you still have sex with her? Do you worry about STD's from her cheating??
Sounds like the ultimate disrespectful situation, I can't believe you don't want to strangle the bitch, I guess everyone is different.
What example are you setting for your son?? Let your wife cheat on you and beg for her to stay with you, time to get real.
Big Pappa Challenged
?Registered: 09/04/11
Posts: 659
Loc: Smurf Village
Last seen: 1 hour, 6 minutes
she called me crying a few minutes ago.? Her boss said he is going to work it out with his wife of 20 years...?
She doesn't know what to do, and she cant figure out why I love her so much.? We didnt get to talk long (shes at work), but I gave her words of support, and reminded her of how Ive always been there for her in the past, no matter what it was.? Ive stood behind her for job changes, and for family loss.? Ive always forgiven any transgressions the way I believe you should.?
Everyone makes mistakes, and if your stupid you may make the same mistake more than once...
True love forgives, and does not hold it against you later.?
True Love is unconditional.? No matter what happens, True Love conquers all.? Now the question is....? Is SHE truly in love with me or not?? I want her to be, Because Im in love with her!
This may have been a fling that got out of hand...
Maybe there's a craving of excitement shes not getting at home...
Who knows..? But in my heart, I KNOW she loves me.
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Edited by Big Pappa (02/12/12 07:55 PM)
greysRDbest Mushroom Dork
?Registered: 07/16/06
Posts: 31,247
Loc: nunya
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Bretdaniel said:
Alright, at first i thought using the reply button was stupid but now I get it, shit confused me for a second.
shimishimiman Jaded Optimist
Registered: 03/21/09
Posts: 306
Loc: Shmexas, Texas
Last seen: 10 hours, 28 minutes
Quote:
Big Pappa said:
she called me crying a few minutes ago.? Her boss said he is going to work it out with his wife of 20 years...?She doesn't know what to do, and she cant figure out why I love her so much.? We didnt get to talk long (shes at work), but I gave her words of support, and reminded her of how Ive always been there for her in the past, no matter what it was.? Ive stood behind her for job changes, and for family loss.? Ive always forgiven any transgressions the way I believe you should.?
Everyone makes mistakes, and if your stupid you may make the same mistake more than once...
True love forgives, and does not hold it against you later.?
True Love is unconditional.? No matter what happens, True Love conquers all.? Now the question is....? Is SHE truly in love with me or not?? I want her to be, Because Im in love with her!This may have been a fling that got out of hand...
Maybe there's a craving of excitement shes not getting at home...
Who knows..? But in my heart, I KNOW she loves me.
Right on, man.? Don't let the people in here discourage you with their cynical bullshit.? Things have a way of working themselves out for those who persevere.
Love and sex don't necessarily go hand in hand together, and even if it is killing you inside, you have to respect your wife's needs and desires, no matter how selfish and fucked up they may seem.?
People don't just do shit like this for no reason - get to the bottom of it and see if it is something that can be resolved civilly, because what's most important here is not the already tainted sanctity of your marriage, but the health and happiness of your child.
?A man provides.? And he does it even when he?s not appreciated, or respected, or even loved.? He simply bears up, and he does it.? Because he?s a man.?
That aside, I recommend you check out this book called "The Mastery of Love" by Don Miguel Ruiz.? It helped me figure out how to deal with everything when I felt like I was suffocating under the pressures of life.
Here's the book on tape version of it on youtube:
part 1)
part 2)
Good luck man, I hope everything works out for you.
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Sleepwalker Overshoes
Registered: 05/07/08
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Quote:
shimishimiman said:what's most important here is not the already tainted sanctity of your marriage, but the health and happiness of your child.
Staying together is not necessarily the best thing for the boy.
Source: http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/15797621
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